Over 4 months AF

So I’m past the 4 month mark, the AF thing is going pretty good but losing the extra pounds.. .? Not so much! I do well for a few days and then I eat a bunch of garbage, feel like shit, eat more garbage, get myself back on track and repeat cycle! So frustrating! I’ve been eating more plant based recently which (when I stick to it) seems to make me feel a lot better, more energy, less bloated, better sleep… kind of like how going AF makes one feel! I’ve been doing a lot of biking, I signed up for a bike ride in the fall that will take me across Prince Edward Island via the confederation trail, approx 250km in 5 days! Super excited to check that off my bucket list! I’ve had the odd moment (mostly when sitting on the deck on a sunny afternoon) where I have that moment of “a glass of wine would be great right now”, but I know that it really wouldn’t make it any more enjoyable and would make me feel like crap the next day. I just miss feeling relaxed I think, I’ve finally come to the conclusion that that is the main reason I liked wine so much, I just don’t seem to be able to quiet my brain down… I have always been like this but didn’t realize how much it affects me some times and that being in overdrive all of the time maybe isn’t that great lol. Oh well, something I’m working on that I will hopefully figure out eventually! For now I’ll just keep trying and being happy that biking and running seems to help 🙂

2 years ago…

Well it’s been two years since I first realized that maybe I didn’t have to go through life feeling like shit, that maybe I didn’t have to plan social events around alcohol, that maybe I was drinking too much and that MAYBE there was a better way to live. It’s taken a while for me to actually feel like all of those things are true all of the time but I think I’m finally there! I still have days where I regret going back to drinking for the year, even if the amounts were nowhere near what they were before originally signing up for OYNB alcohol was still holding me back from being the best version of me, I definitely know that with 100% certainty now. A friend of mine came over yesterday and we sat on the deck and had a couple of AF Heinekens and an awesome visit, If I were still drinking even moderately it would have been the perfect excuse to have a couple of glasses of wine or a few beer, my sleep would have been shit, I would have woken up feeling anxious and blah today and I can guarantee I would NOT have gotten up and gone for a run, which ended up being the first run I’ve gone on in a VERY long time where I was able to run 3 straight km’s with no walking breaks! Pretty proud of that little accomplishment today 😉 After my run I came home and did 1 min of each -burpees, situps, and squats followed by a 1 min rest, and repeated for 5 rounds. That last round was pretty tough but I did it! I’m still working on my mindset when it comes to food and focusing on eating nutritious foods rather than being obsessed with calories and macros but I THINK I’m starting to get there… slow and steady wins the race right?? I found the cottage a little tough a few moments this past weekend, it was hard to really “relax” without that bottle of wine but I’m starting to think that that’s ok too, my constant thinking and doing does tend to be annoying some days but it’s part of who I am and hopefully if I keep trying I will eventually find some ways to at least quiet it down a bit without the help of booze 🙂 I hope you’re all having a wonderful week so far!

Me

100 days!!!!

yep! 100 days without a glass of wine or drop of any type of alcohol. The difference in just a few months is so incredible I can’t quite figure out why I ever decided to drink again after my first extended break from it. I guess that was part of my journey and something I needed to do to feel 100% sure of my decision now so i am trying not to focus on the fact that I SHOULD have been celebrating 2 years this coming week.

In the past 100 days I have gone from at least 3 massive anxiety attacks per month (after every time I drank basically) to not one. Yes I still have days where I’m a bit anxious but not those full blown heart pounding out of my chest, can’t catch my breath, not sure how I’m going to make it through this feeling which lasts for daysssssss attacks. My sleep has improved drastically, I’m off my sleeping pills as well, waking up feeling refreshed and not groggy AND no longer waking at 3am! Woot woot! I’m still going to crossfit and spin class and (mostly) staying on track with my running schedule, this is the best I’ve done at keeping a “routine” when it comes to fitness in a while and it feels wonderful:). I’m more patient, I don’t find myself to be as snappy with my kids and I’m pretty sure they’ve noticed a difference in me as well which makes me both happy and a little sad all at the same time. I’m doing better with everyday stuff, my house is neater, I don’t have a huge mountain of laundry needing to be dealt with all of the time and I’m doing better at keeping track of and staying on top of financial stuff.

It’s pretty incredible really.

Now at the same time that I decided the wine needed to get lost, my Dr also wanted to try me on a new med for my ADHD and since I didn’t have great luck with the first 2 we tried I was reluctant to agree but in the end I did. I suspect this may also have something to do with the mentioned changes above. Likely a combination of not trying to self medicate AND of being properly medicated…

This weekend hubby and I are heading down to the cottage where I plan to do nothing but catch up on some reading, take the kayak out on the river, walk on the sand, watch the replay of The Tragically Hip’s fairwell concert on CBC, and do things that make my heart happy.

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend and to any fellow Canadians on here, happy Canada Day! To anyone in their first few days or weeks, keep going, it’s beyond worth it and it’s only getting better ❤

Me