9 months ago…

9 months ago I made the decision to make some changes for good. I’ve realized this time around that I no longer want to drink, I don’t like how it makes me feel, look, sleep, act, but more importantly I can’t handle how anxious I get afterwards. Other than a brief lapse in judgement over the summer I haven’t touched alcohol since that day in March. Since giving it up and being completely at peace with that decision its actually been pretty easy this time around… the first time though? Not so much! I remember watching someone talking about “blips” one day and him saying that alot of times when we struggle it’s because we haven’t firmly “shut the door” on it. In other words we feel like we are missing out somehow by not drinking and I think this is exactly it! I find now when I have the odd moment where I do feel like I want a glass of wine if I sit and really dissect WHY I’m feeling that way it’s usually because I’m uncomfortable in some way… I’m bored, tired, stressed, lonely, etc. I’m craving it because I want to shut off a feeling of some sort which I now realize I do NOT actually want to do, I’d rather deal with the feeling and the reasons why and move on, stuffing them down with alcohol served me absolutley NO good. I’m so happy to be at this point in my life, that I can see it for what it truly is now and know 100% that I am better off without it. 9 months ago I was in the middle of a massive panic attack. We had just gotten home from our all inclusive vacation and I had such ridiculously high levels of anxiety that I was honestly questioning what the point of life was If I had to go though it feeling like that… I hated it, I hated me…. I was trying to decide whether to actually share who I am on this blog but honestly what does it matter? People know I don’t drink anymore and I’m pretty open about the whole thing so here it goes lol. The pic on the left is from that vacation, looking happy day drinking one afternoon at a local bar BUT also looking like absolute shit and setting myself up for what would be one of the worst anxiety attacks I have ever had. The pic on the right was yesterday. I feel good, better than I have in years actually and looking forward to a Christmas with my family that I am 100% prepared and ready for and that I will be 100% present for. People ask me why I would ever give up the beloved wine…

my reason is this… my reason is ME.

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