Well I made it through the weekend. I’ll consider that a small victory. I kept myself busy to the point of being almost manic today but there was a reason behind it. Also the reason why I didn’t stick to my plan of blogging in the mornings. Hubby is working nights again this week and to top it off the kids are with their Dad tonight and tomorrow night so you know what that means… Just me and my fur babies home tonight, nobody to judge and nobody to know what I am up to, except me, I know. I figured by exhausting myself today and having to write here tonight those would be two things in my favor to keep me from having “just one drink” and guess what? I am happy to report that my plan worked!
I started out the day early (as usual since I typically am never able to sleep in), I spent an hour or two going through some blogs and finding a few that really spoke to me which I promptly followed and plan to read more of tonight if I have trouble going to sleep early. Then we went and did our grocery shopping, came home to put them away, cleaned til my little heart was content and my house was spotless. After that I spent an hour or so returning messages to clients, got some stuff ready for my book keeper and did some laundry… By the time all of that was done OH was getting ready to leave for work, no panic setting in at that time so that was a relief! After he left I did day 2 of my 30 day yoga challenge, by the way did you know that yoga actually makes you sweat?! Well it makes me sweat anyways, I think its a combination of me being really out of shape and the fact that it is actually wayyyyyyy harder than I thought!
Now I am on my final plan of the day, yep, the blog. I have no clue if I am doing this right. I know I am definitely not a writer but something about being able to pour your heart out and say exactly what’s on your mind with nobody knowing you is so freeing. My best friends Dad stopped by to see me yesterday since I had messaged him in a drunken panic the past week about what I now without a doubt know is my drinking problem. He had his fair of issues with it in the past himself and has known me since I was born so who better to talk to? God love him, he let me pour my heart out for a good couple of hours, made me feel like I’m maybe not completely crazy and that somehow this will all be ok. At one point during all of my blubbering and crying and going on I told him I didn’t know how this happened, I hated alcohol when I was a kid, I never drank much at all in my 20’s and just never would have imagined I would be here… His response? Hun, its an addiction, you have an addiction. Jeez, somehow I had never actually looked at it like that. For other people yes, for me? No. I think even though I have gotten to the point that I know I have an issue and can’t drink I still didn’t really think I was an “addict”, clearly he is right though. It’s funny, when I smoked I had no problem admitting and accepting that I was addicted to nicotine, why on earth is it so much harder to accept with alcohol? Is it because drinking is so socially accepted? Expected even? I’m sure that is something I will be pondering for a while…
So with hubby gone to work and leaving me alone for the night I had an issue. He cooks, always. Like I NEVER cook anymore. My supper however was delicious, comfort food at its finest! I will try to attach a picture of my gourmet meal to this post but since I have no idea how to actually do that I’m not going to promise anything 🙂
Omg, I did it! That’s kind of shocking actually! LOL
Well with that I guess its time to sign off and head upstairs to read some blogs, maybe start a book, maybe watch a movie… who knows?! I just know I won’t be drinking anything containing alcohol tonight.